a morning , very normal morning for almost everyone except me, calmness all around and uneasiness deep within; when i got up , i never felt it will be the worst morning of my life .... with lots of stress , stress of fighting with super power, hope of miracle happening to me, got up and after brushing teeth, went to hospital as usual how i have been going to same horrible place for last one week.....unaware of being my last visit this time to the same place, just went to talk to the so called noble professional , whom idiots call doctor and i call whore wrapped in white apron.... perhaps not all are bad , its fallacious to generalize all, as all cant be Mahatma Ghandhi in-spite being NETA (politician) , all cant be mother teresa in-spite running NGO......sighs.....
a usual morning , sitting in the waiting area of the hospital (big business house), thinking and thinking , yesterday night had discussions with relatives about shifting to bigger hospital , hire an ambulance and just give it a try...lots of thoughts playing around but practically feeling helpless, feckless and , blank .... and that white apron warped devil comes and call you inside , keeping his hand on my shoulder , i am sorry , she is no more , a mild electric current running through your spine making you numb .....you see a dead body tied both hands tight on sides of bed , neck punctured , nose and mouth covered with oxygen , and for a week without water in her throat, how one can feel ?...you are left with strange numbness, dealing with horrible feelings, mixed emotions of sadness and anger, loosing the god , who gave me birth, who brought me in this world and i couldn't save her to be in this world.... all your death defying acts go in vain, perhaps god is showing me his power and laughing over me , and in that moment of mental agonizing, you just want to fight with god and crush his head under your shoes and punish him to make me see such day....... an end of a golden era of my life , mourning day of my life, atrocious day of my life, 13th december ......
perhaps death is the most beautiful truth of life , we live as if we are never going to die, nor we imagine anybody close to us will die..... one must discuss the death with loved-ones when they are mature enough to understand; as its another way of making them tough for the worst....
my mother is still alive within me and giving me her blessings , she always got worried thinking what will happen to my utkarsh....smiles..... and she had the answer that she will be an angel , who would keep giving me blessings till i die....a star was added in the sky 8 years back.....miss you mummy....RIP....
