mourning .................13th Dec.................

a morning , very normal morning for almost everyone except me, calmness all around and uneasiness deep within; when i got up , i never felt it will be the worst morning of my life .... with lots of stress , stress of fighting with super power, hope of miracle happening to me, got up and after brushing teeth, went to hospital as usual how i have been going to same horrible place for last one week.....unaware of being my last visit this time to the same place, just went to talk to the so called noble professional , whom idiots call doctor and i call whore wrapped in white apron.... perhaps not all are bad , its fallacious to generalize all, as all cant be Mahatma Ghandhi in-spite being NETA (politician) , all cant be mother teresa in-spite running NGO......sighs.....

a usual morning , sitting in the waiting area of the hospital (big business house), thinking and thinking , yesterday night had discussions with relatives about shifting to bigger hospital , hire an ambulance and just give it a try...lots of thoughts playing around but practically feeling helpless, feckless and , blank .... and that white apron warped devil comes and call you inside , keeping his hand on my shoulder , i am sorry , she is no more , a mild electric current running through your spine making you numb .....you see a dead body tied both hands tight on sides of bed , neck punctured , nose and mouth covered with oxygen , and for a week without water in her throat, how one can feel ?...you are left with strange numbness, dealing with horrible feelings, mixed emotions of sadness and anger,  loosing the god , who gave me birth, who brought me in this world and i couldn't save her to be in this world.... all your death defying acts go in vain, perhaps god is showing me his power and laughing over me , and in that moment of mental agonizing, you just want to fight with god and crush his head under your shoes and punish him to make me see such day.......  an end of a golden era of my life , mourning day of my life, atrocious day of my life, 13th december ...... 

perhaps death is the most beautiful truth of life , we live as if we are never going to die, nor we imagine anybody close to us will die..... one must discuss the death with loved-ones when they are mature enough to understand; as its another way of making them tough for the worst.... 

my mother is still alive within me and giving me her blessings , she always got worried thinking what will happen to my utkarsh....smiles..... and she had the answer that she will be an angel , who would keep giving me blessings till i die....a star was added in the sky 8 years back.....miss you mummy....RIP....

Resilience...............

when you are upset and feeling lonely and you are about to make Guinness world records of being awake and not sleeping then its surely  difficult time.......

in today's time of sheer pressure to perform , live up to our own expectation and lots of stress (be it emotional, financial or work related), We need to maintain some semblance of balance and some sense that we are steering the ship of our life in the ocean of moments which is full of greed, lies , opportunities and threats all around......in such times , when life throws curve balls , its only friends offer softer landing where you can be safe and sure....

friends o friends... they uplift , they console , they pull your legs, they support in many ways ....with lightening speed of technology at your finger tips , world in your palms and pockets you still miss real friends though (how i am missing today)..... you go online on yahoo or facebook or many such other social sites , you are flooded with friends , but at times real friend is surely missing where you can lean on actually.....

the best time you have had starts unfolding in your mind and makes it even worse to accept that where are those people and why are they not around anymore , questions creates more doubts of our own sanity or about their worthiness, and irrespective of the answer you are loser anyway  ....sighs.....

the state of isolation is very hazardous as long as its giving you feeling of being lonely , in spite being surrounded by people you find yourself aloof is really worrisome .....perhaps people around you may be more selfish and self centered , whom you consider your bestest friend may turn out to be the worst living being who creates sense of discontent  within you by being hyper critical and judgmental....  Resilience is what we need to cultivate , with better things around......... 

Steve Jobs...Wonder in apple land....

for centuries one man will be remembered as father of tablets and innovative communications ....i very much remember the uproar and mad curiosity among everyone when iPhone was launched , it was as good as magic for millions who never thought how entire communication may change forever.....

i have always searched on Steve jobs as i have had habit of finding more information on rags to riches personalities ......perhaps such stories work as motivator for any start up entrepreneur and i was not exception to it...

just imagine how would you feel when you create a company which starts reaping huge profits and you only are sacked out of the company ???? strange , isn't it ? No, this is what happened with Steve....and as they say , Gold will remain Gold even if you put it anywhere ; Steve proved the saying.... he left apple and went on to make another company which eventually apple bought it later and he got back to the seat which he created for himself....

for me Steve Jobs shall remain as an Enterprising innovator , who could think out of the box, and nothing could stop him from being the numero uno, and nothing deter his ambitions irrespective of his health or Samsung/others copying all his products....

starting from a garage to make billion dollar company is surely unforgettable journey and the most important is commanding respect of all...

Rest in Peace, Steve.....

noble professions........

what is noble profession ??? and who has decided it ??? who has classified it as a noble profession ?

recently i met a fool who told me i like noble professions......quite amusing ......i pitty my friend who finds noble professions interesting ...

Doctors, are living god and termed as engaged in noble profession but i do not agree.... its just an official licence to rob people.....when you visit any hospital, you are asked whether you have mediclaim or not , and for both things they have different price list.... i have had worst experience of my mother's death dealing with this so called noble bastards.....

Teaching is also one of the noble profession, but in our country a person who can not do anything turns up a teacher.....thank god , govt. is coming out with mandatory Teacher's aptitude test.....i remember having met with one noble teacher (witch) in 5 th grade.... i had not done the homework and i was made to stand out of the class touching my toes and on my back duster was kept.....can never forget the trauma i had gone through then, and whenever i see someone calling teachers noble i feel yukkksss.......we must have a proper system to make good teachers, as in their hands our future lies.......i beg to disagree on them too , they are not as noble as politicians.....smiles....

politicians are surprisingly out of the noble profession criteria, smiles, even-though they are serving people without charging anything unlike teachers and doctors......same goes for NGO...

any job done without any expectation and with good intention is noble, irrespective of any profession....sad.......professions can never be noble , its the people who can be noble towards profession.....